


Notes of Silence

by starryfrost



Category: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death, Multi, SOLDIER!Cloud, Survivor Guilt, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-14
Updated: 2015-07-14
Packaged: 2018-04-09 07:20:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4339151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starryfrost/pseuds/starryfrost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A relationship is not a fix-all to be applied to every problem. They knew this. It doesn't remove the helpless feeling he gets when he can't help. When the only fix is time and space and understanding.</p>
<p>A mission gone wrong leaves Genesis and Zack aching morose with survivor's guilt and Cloud pained with how powerless he is to help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SongbirdSonata](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SongbirdSonata/gifts).



> Written for Tammy's request for "strifesodos + I need space"
> 
> As this fic is hurt/comfort, it will have a largely depressed mood. Please be careful if that affects you!

A beep broke through his apartment, and Cloud hastened to grab his PHS from the table near him. He ended up falling off the couch in the process but resolutely sat on the ground reading the message. A grim frown pulled at his face as he read the content of said message:

From: [Zack]  
Time received: 21:27  
Subject: We’re back

Body: Hey Cloud, we’re back from the mission. It turned out awful, and I think Genesis took it the worst. He’s in a downright awful mood, so if you visit him, be careful? I’ll see you tomorrow

 

Cloud’s frown only deepened and he bit the inside of his cheek as he contemplated the message. Just what had happened? As he wasn’t on the mission, he didn’t receive any of the details except what Genesis and Zack had told him: that they and a few other Soldiers would be gone for around two weeks.

Thankfully they hadn’t taken more than the two weeks to complete it, but Cloud could feel anxiety drop like a stone in his stomach.

He weighed his options, to visit Zack or Gen or to stay here and see them in the morning, and chose to visit Gen. He needed to know how Genesis was doing, if he was at the very least physically alright.

He hit reply on the message and wrote a quick reply.

To: [Zack]  
Time sent: 21:29  
Subject: Re: We’re Back

Body: Thanks for letting me know. I’m going to check up on him. What happened on the mission?

I’m leaving for a mission tomorrow at 0800, just to let you know.

 

He hit send and remained seated, passively observing the loading icon until it blinked with [Message Sent]. He then stood up, glancing down at his Soldier uniform and briefly wondered if he should change into something else. He dismissed the notion and padded over to his front door. He toed on his boots, not bothering with lacing them as he would be only going a floor up, grabbed his keycard and left his apartment. The door locked behind him automatically with a beep as he headed to the stairwell at the end of the hall.

A quick walk up, faster than taking the elevator, and Cloud was on the floor for the Firsts. A rapid flash of his keycard and he was in the hallway. There, he paused, second-guessing himself for a brief moment. Should he really visit when Zack had said that Gen was in such a bad mood? He shook his head, clearing those thoughts. _It’s only a quick visit._ He assured himself, and he strode down the hallway to Genesis’s door, twenty five steps away from the stairwell. His eyes flicked from one minute detail on the walls to the other as the weight of nerves increased in his stomach.

Resolutely, he pressed the back of his keycard, where the card that Genesis had given him for First Class permissions resided to the security pad next to the door. He only ever used it to visit Genesis and Zack, both of which were Firsts. He himself was a Second class, promoted three months back.

With a nervous roll of his shoulders, he knocked twice the door. He could already feel an oppressive silence weigh on him as he slowly opened it.

Quietly, Cloud closed the door behind him, taking note of the dimly lit apartment, the only light coming from the windows and the bathroom. The resounding silence was broken by the running and few splashes of water, by a worn-down sigh and the click of a light flicked off.

He hesitated to break the oppressive silence by taking any steps or making any movements; he hardly dared breathe. He finally took a hesitant step forward as a figure exited the bathroom to be bathed by the quiet light from the windows.

“… Genesis?” he whispered, taking another step forward.

Genesis twitched violently, whirling around with an extended hand, looking ready to blast his face off. He lowered his hand slowly as he recognized Cloud, and his shoulders slumped from their tensed position.

“Cloud… what are you doing here?” Genesis wearily questioned, blinking a few times and running a hand through his hair. He looked extremely guarded still, facing slightly away from Cloud where normally he would facing him fully, and shoulders still more tense than usual.

Cloud swallowed and stepped forward until he was in front of Genesis.

“Zack told me you guys got back.” He let his eyes quickly glance over Genesis, checking for signs of bandages, injuries, for anything that was off. Cloud met his eyes for his next statement. “I wanted to check that you were alright.”

Genesis looked away and his expression became guarded. His frown deepened, and Cloud could see the line of Genesis’s mouth hardening. He looked exhausted, bags and dark circles under his eyes and face pulled taut with stress.

“I… I need some space right now, Cloud. I appreciate your concern but I would like to be left alone.” Genesis still didn’t meet his eyes.

Cloud blinked, and worry flooded his stomach, pulling that nervous weight down even more. He bit back an ‘are you sure?’ and simply nodded. His throat was tight, and the beep from his PHS as it signaled a new message right at that instant cut into the newfound silence. Genesis’s eyes flashed down to where the PHS lay in Cloud’s pocket before he turned away from Cloud in dismissal.

Cloud’s heart stung as Genesis turned away, but he recognized and respected the other’s need for privacy. Without another word, even though words wanted to come out and fill that silence before he left, he slipped through the front door.

He swallowed, working past a swell of emotions and opened his PHS.

From: [Zack]  
Time: 21:35  
Subject: Re: Re: We’re Back

Body: It’s classified. Do you want to stop in for a quick visit before you go back to your place to sleep?

 

Cloud quickly strode over a few doors down to Zack’s apartment, feeling tense and worried, unable to do anything for Genesis even though he ached to help. He knocked twice and reached for his keycard, only to have Zack open the door and sweep him into a hug. Surprised, Cloud hesitated before hugging back but returning the tightness in favour as the two clung to each other in the doorway.

After a few minutes, Cloud’s tension somewhat relieved and Zack’s nervous energy dissipated, they drew into the apartment and closed the door behind them.


	2. Chapter 2

Cloud twitched and wrung his hands as he considered –more like overthought- what he wanted to ask Zack. He too was looking incredibly sleep deprived and stressed, and not like his usual bouncy self. Zack gave him a funny look as he led them to his living room and onto the couch. He plopped down and drew Cloud down against his chest, burrowing his face into Cloud’s right shoulder.

“How are you doing?” Cloud softly asked, bringing a hand to run through Zack’s hair. Zack made a noncommittal noise and nuzzled his shoulder. Snaking hands wrapped around his waist not a moment later. Zack took his time, stroking a small path around Cloud’s hipbone.

“Better than Gen, at least I think. Kinda fine, could be a lot better.” Came the muffled reply a minute or so later.

Cloud shifted, gently prying the arms away from around him and guiding Zack to lay down with his head on the other’s lap. Arms encircled his waist again and Zack wiggled until he was comfy with his legs drawn up on the couch and head pillowed comfortably on Cloud’s thigh. The movements drew up his pant legs and his shirt up, exposing skin and bandages to the chilly air.

With a frown, Cloud silently took note of the bandages. If they were still there then the injury must’ve been serious. His hand began to absently play with Zack’s hair as he waited for him to say more.

The words didn’t come for another minute, this time more sleepily than before.

“The mission went completely wrong. We went with some of the soon-to-be Seconds to clear up a reactor and the surrounding area since it somehow became infested with monsters. There were rumors of a sighting of a high leveled monster, which is why Gen and I were there in addition to supervising. After a week of clearing out the surroundings, we found the high leveled monster.

“Turns out it was a nest of those. Like, a whole wasp’s nest worth of them. They were vicious and…” Zack trailed off, brows furrowing as the memory must’ve surfaced. Cloud kept running his fingers through Zack’s hair in a gesture he truly hoped was comforting. Zack’s grip around his waist shifted until he snatched up the pillow on the couch and squeezed it to his chest.

“The Thirds went like flies.” A hollow laugh, and Zack bitterly grimaced in the semblance of a smile. “The monsters snapped them up right from underneath Gen’s nose. One survived the initial attack. Only one, out of five Soldiers. Two were snatched up before we knew it, the other two went down fighting under the wave of those beasts. I don’t even know what they are, just that they were huge and vicious as all fuck.

“Gen and I killed them eventually, not without injury. I literally couldn’t walk, and Gen was badly poisoned. Even with poisona it stuck around a while. The Third, Roxwell, somehow survived through all that shit, though he was bleeding out. Gen tried to save him, but between getting me out and getting him out, well…”

A pause, where Zack drew his head in and glared, guilt etched across his face in a scowl. “I’m here aren’t I.”

Cloud swallowed thickly, horrified by the massacre that Zack had recounted. He couldn’t find the words, oh the irony. Before he’d been floundering with too many words to say. Now? None could express what he felt; sympathy, disbelief, worry, that feeling that Zack should not be blaming himself, a sense of ‘need to do something how do I help’.

“Zack…” Cloud murmured as he moved his free hand to stroke Zack’s shoulder. “It’s not your fault, or Gen’s fault. Just remember that.”

“I know… but still… He still died because of me. Because I wasn’t able to handle myself, and couldn’t walk. If…” he trailed off again and shifted one hand off his grip of the pillow to Cloud’s hand on his shoulder, drawing it back down. “I know all the what-ifs and if-onlys are stupid, but honestly, I can’t stop thinking about them. If only I was faster and didn’t have my legs crushed by that one monster, if only I hadn’t frozen up, or killed that monster faster so it couldn’t poison Gen, or anything else, he could’ve lived.”

Eyebrows drew together in more worry and that helpless feeling as Zack was crushed under the guilt and he couldn’t help at all. Another minute passed as Zack just lay there, holding to his hand and the pillow loosely. Drained was the only way Cloud could describe him at that moment.

“Is there anything I can do to help? At all?” he enquired, running his fingers through the base of Zack’s hair, gently working at the tangles there.

“Being here is helping, I think.” He turned to face Cloud more, and gave him a minuscule smile. A gentle smile reciprocated on Cloud’s face, and he bent down to give Zack’s shoulder a kiss.

“How was Gen when you saw him?” Zack queried, face shifting to worry. He flipped himself completely onto his back, carefully shifting his legs and kept his hold on Cloud’s hand and the pillow.

Cloud felt his smile dissipate, and he looked down and away. His lips tightened into a thin line as he thought back to his earlier visit.

“Guarded, and stressed. Really tired too. Must’ve been if he didn’t notice I knocked when I came in. And he looked ready to blast a firaga at me too when he finally noticed me.”

“Can’t say I didn’t expect that…” Zack’s face was a mirror of his own. “Did he say anything to you?”

“To give him space.” Cloud responded, feeling his mood worsen. A sigh. The pillow drew his despondent stare’s attention. “I really wish I could help somehow. I just, don’t know how.”

“Give him a day or two, then come back and check on him again.” Zack assured. “He’ll open up when he’s ready, but until then, he needs time. Don’t take it personally.” His hand tightened around Cloud’s. A small reassuring smile crossed his face when Cloud’s attention came back to him.

Cloud sighed, looking away again. “Okay.”

A silence enveloped them, not even broken by Zack. Minutes passed where they merely reassured each other with presence alone.

Cloud drew out of the haze that had enveloped him as he simply sat and petted. He removed his hand to pick up the PHS that sat on the sofa arm.

“It’s getting late. I probably should be heading back to my apartment.”

“Oh shit, it is. You have that mission tomorrow right?”

Cloud nodded. “Is there anything you need help with before I go?”

“Nah, I’ve got this.” Zack sent a reassuring smile, closer to his normal grin. He shifted himself off Cloud’s lap and stood carefully. Cloud stood up as well, pocketing the PHS as he did so. They quietly walked to the front door and stood facing each other.

“I’ll try my best to see you off tomorrow but I’m not sure if I won’t still be sleeping then.” Zack’s gaze was apologetic as he reached up to cup Cloud’s cheek in one hand.

“Don’t worry about it Zack. You better rest up tomorrow or else.” Cloud leaned into the hand a tiny bit, and one of his hands gently settled on Zack’s face as well. Near stimultaneously they leaned into each other, Zack bending down a bit to place a kiss on his lips and Cloud tilting his head up to catch it.

“Good luck out there tomorrow Cloud. Keep me informed, if you can?” Zack drew back, eyes focusing on his own in sincere fondness.

“I will. Good night Zack, love you.” He reached up again to kiss Zack again. He could feel the smile on the other’s lips, and gently poked his side as he withdrew.

“Thanks. Night night, and love you too, you jerk.” Zack ruffled his hair before Cloud ducked out of it and through the door he opened, not without casting a smile back. He closed the door, and the good mood vanished as soon as the beep sounded.

With a sigh, he slowly moved down the hall, past Genesis’s door with a worried glance, and down the stairs.

Little did he know that Zack’s own smile had vanished, light mood gone with Cloud’s departure. All the memories he’d been able to push to the back of his mind after he had confided in Cloud came back in a rushing wave.

A frown crossed both of their faces and stayed there as they went about their nightly routine.

_________

 

To: [Genesis]  
Time: 22:54  
Subject: [None]

Body: Good night                                       

 

Cloud put the PHS on his bedside table with a sigh, and he turned over, drawing the blankets up to his shoulders.

_______

Genesis picked up his PHS from his spot curled up on his bed, and it felt like a tiny firefly of good feeling graced him as he read Cloud’s message. Not enough to really budge the dark mood over him, yet not unappreciated. _Good night._ He thought, unable to bring himself to answer, and he placed the PHS back before he started overthinking his every action and inaction again.

 


End file.
